Friday, December 29, 2006

The Hero.

Do people perform acts of heroism because they want to be famous, because they want to be someone on a planet of nobodies?

In reality, in the light of day, people walk by each other, without saying a word. People are served in superstores without even talking to the cashier, they phone up companies without even asking the name of the person they are talking to, to them that person is just another voice on the end of the phone. People are stabbed in the middle of busy streets by strangers; Good Samaritans in today’s society are few and far between, because they don’t want to get killed for trying to help out a person they don’t even know or they don’t want to get arrested for lending a helping hand to a man being beaten up.

Real heroes go unsung; they perform their heroic acts without being noticed. You’re not a hero, footballers aren’t heroes, models and film stars certainly aren’t heroes.

The real heroes are those people who volunteer to help with children who have special needs, those who work with the mentally ill and the elderly, those brave men and women who gave their lives in World Wars fought more than sixty years ago. You can say this, without fear of sounding weak, you couldn’t work with mentally ill children, you can’t even imagine what it would have been like to land on the Normandy Beaches on D-day in 1944 or to fight in the trenches in 1918, these people have done and still do these acts without being mentioned by name or receiving rewards, they are real heroes.

Performing a heroic act doesn’t make a person a hero, performing an act of heroism frequently and without thought to reward or notoriety makes a person a hero.

‘And you want me to agree with you, and you want me to say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. It's all fucked up. It's a fucking mess. We should all go live in a fucking log cabin." But I won't. I don't agree with you. I do not. I can't.’

Detective Mills, Se7en.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas.

As she took to the dance floor in an amazing bright blue dress, cut almost up to the waist, you knew it was going to be special, you knew it was going to be beautiful. As the music began and she started to move, you were completely transfixed, if heaven could be on earth this would have been it. When she smiled it excited you, when she opened her mouth it transfixed you, when she moved her golden legs it restored your faith in beauty and when she laughed it made you want to break down on your knees and thank the Lord for creating her.

It was like heaven had fallen upon you, like a Goddess had been sent to earth to show just how good the afterlife will be. Her dance, her salsa, her amazing body, beautifully sculptured, almost stopped your heart, and when the winner was declared, the way she reacted made you realise that if God was a woman, she would look and act just like Karen HARDY.

Forget the presents under the tree, watching her dance, watching her move her gorgeous body, was the best Christmas present you’ve ever had.

Merry Christmas.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

You've been served......

You're stood at the checkout of your local supermarket with some items to buy, the usual stuff that people buy at Christmas. As the lovely store assistant scans the items she is smiling away and as the bottle of wine goes through she asks you for some ID. Now this isn't a problem, she's doing her job and you aren't offended. You hand her your NUS Student card.

Shop assistant: 'Sorry, I can't accept that.'
You: 'I've used it before here and at other stores.'
Shop assistant: 'I really am sorry but that is not accepted as a form of ID.'
You: 'I've got two credit cards and a bank card, will that be alright?'
Shop assistant: 'No sorry I can't take those either.'

Now one thing you don't like doing is carrying your Warrant card around with your driving license, because you have heard of Officers being mugged and being very grateful that they weren't carrying their license as it has their home address on.

You: 'I have a Police warrant card, will that be alright, it's got my photo on it.'
Shop assistant: 'No I can't accept that either.'
You (laughing): 'Can I speak to a supervisor please, I know you're only doing your job and I commend you for it, but i've got five forms of ID and you still won't believe i'm eighteen.'

Thankfully as chance would have it, something occurred that sorted the situation out, and you managed to get served and went on your way, wishing the Shop assistant a Merry Christmas. Even though you were laughing, at the time it was quite embarrassing as you were holding up a que of Christmas Shoppers (the worst kind of shoppers).

It's funny how you confiscate alcohol off youths who are fourteen, when you can't even get served in a Superstore without divine intervention.

C'est la Vie.

Friday, December 22, 2006

'I've only had one pint.....really.'

The call comes over the radio, you get in the car, the blue lights are turned on, the siren starts to sound and your colleague starts to drive like someone's life depends on it, sometimes this might be the case.

You arrive at the scene, a lovely little house which looks quite tidy from the outside and from what you can see through the window it's also nice inside. You are invited in and after taking details you arrest one of the occupants and escort them from the premises, into the car and down to the custody suite.

You know why it's happened, why this lovely little house with Christmas Cards on the mantel piece, lights around the fire place and a tree in the corner has been turned into a fight club, too much alcohol consumed in too short a time, it is as simple as that.

On a lighter note, you're hoping to get Cheryl Tweedy for Christmas, after all, hope springs eternal.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


At a meeting to discuss why the recent Special Constabulary recruitment drive didn't produce results, attention is drawn to the main poster of the campaign as a possible reason:

Merry Christmas or Merry Winter?

Just because you are a straight white male, doesn’t mean that if you get assaulted by a black man you want a straight white and male police officer to attend the scene. If a Muslim gets their house burgled and all their expensive property stolen, they most likely wouldn't care if the Officer that visits them is Muslim; it most likely doesn’t even cross their mind, they just want an Officer to attend.

So why in heaven’s name, is it necessary to perform ‘positive action’? Even to the point where applications from white males are disposed of in the nearest rubbish bin.

If an equal amount of the police force is made up of, straight white men, women, homosexuals and ethnic minorities, it would be great and you would like that to happen. But who really cares? If a homosexual is injured in a suspected homophobic attack, you doubt his first question to the Officer attending would be:

‘Are you a homosexual Officer?’

It would most likely be:

‘Are you going to get the bastards that did this to me?’

It comes to something when Christmas Lights are being renamed because other faiths might get offended, who thinks up these stupid and idiotic ideas?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Who gives a flying................?

One thing that you have noticed is that some Special Constables get substantially annoyed when they are told that they are not Police Officers.

You're at a house, for some reason you can't remember and one of the attendees (a fully certified and sworn in member of the idiot's club) approaches you.

Linda: 'I hear you're one of them Specials?'
You: 'Something like that.'
Linda: 'You can't arrest people.'
You: 'If you say so sweetheart.'

At this point Linda must have had a brainwave (there's a first time for everything) and thought she could wind you up on this subject.

Linda: 'You're one of those hobby bobbys.'
You: 'Sure am.'
Linda: 'You're not a real Police Officer.'
You: 'If you say so.'

At this point it became childish.

Linda: 'You're the filth.'
You: 'And most proud of it.'
Linda: 'Wanker.'
You: 'Now I know why you haven't got a boyfriend.'

Your last comment must have hit a nerve, because she felt it prudent to pinch your arm and run off.

In short, the best way to answer the people who try a 'wind up' on the subject of the status of Special Constables, is to humour them and aquire the lovely trait of apathy. It always works, because they either get bored or really exasperated, and it's just hilarious to watch.

Friday, December 08, 2006

'Where's my gun?'

That is one of the dreaded questions a Police Officer fears to have to ask, because if he or she is asking that question, they fear for their life.

You have read a brilliant response to a scenario on, it said this:

‘Discretely pull out the side of my shirt, draw my gun from concealment, rack a round in the chamber, aim for the fellow's midriff and order him to put the gun down and show his hands. If the said fellow threatened me in any way, two shots to the chest and one to the head. If he ran without dropping his gun, I would try to stop him, including use of a firearm. If he did drop his gun and ran, I would call the police and try to give first aid to the cashier, depending on his or her condition. If the gunman surrendered, I would have him on the floor spread-eagled until police arrived.’

This was said by a Police Officer, who works in Israel.

All Police Officers (be they Regular or Special Constables) in the United Kingdom are authorised to carry a Section 5 Firearm, CS Spray or PAVA. The debate is whether or not to routinely arm all Officers with lethal firearms.

WPC Rachael Bown was shot in Nottingham City; her Police partner has stated that if he had been armed with a gun, he would have shot the gunman.

‘My first thought was 'Where's my gun?' PC Martin Foster

Has the time come to arm all Police Officers in the United Kingdom with lethal firearms?

Thursday, December 07, 2006

'You're too beautiful to ignore. Too much woman.'

One of your hobbies is that of ornithology, not in the specific sense of the word, but in the cockney riming slang of it, in other words, you take great pleasure and excitement from witnessing women and watching the way they behave. Granted you draw the line at using binoculars and climbing trees, but you are certainly not averse to taking a look as they walk by you in the street.

You have sat with people and discussed women, some have been indifferent to the concept, and others have been downright disrespectful, using generalisations and obscenities to describe their ‘ever so important’ feelings. You have sat there in disgust, listening to their rhetoric and banality, thinking that they are people who wouldn’t know love if it hit them directly in the face and pierced, their ever so hard hearts.

Recently you were discussing a situation with someone you know, the issue of mortality. As he outlined the situation you could see he was affected by it, but as you sat their listening you admired his attitude, he was pushing back the tears and making the most of the optimism. Usually you would have made a joke or a sarcastic comment, but not this time, it took discipline, something you haven’t got much of, but you managed to take the situation seriously.

You said to this young man, that if you had only a day to live, the only things you would do in that day is watch and think of women. Not as objects of lust and sexual desire, but with the view of admiration, adoration, affection and appreciation. Admiring the way they smell, adoring the way they walk, showing affection for the way they smile and appreciating the way they cry.

Whether a woman is old, young, curvy or slim, whether they are brunette or blonde, intelligent or ditsy, when God made them, he made them with a purpose, the purpose to be women, and some you add, complete that purpose to perfection.

'Worlds may change; galaxies disintegrate, but a woman... always remains a woman.' James T Kirk.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

May fortune favour the bold......

One thing to remember is that all of the blues are on the same side, from Chief Constables to Police Constables, from PCSOs to Special Constables like yourself, from Control Room Staff to Traffic Wardens. When one bleeds, the rest follow suite.

When something like this happens it reminds all Police Officers and those that work for the Police, of their own mortality. You, being young and fresh faced, once thought you were immortal, that feeling is beginning to fade away.

A Police Community Support Officer has been stabbed, seriously injured in the line of duty. This just shows that PCSOs are as brave as any other member of the Police Force. This Community Officer did his duty, he stood firm when other people fled, for this he has payed a high price, but a price that will not be forgotten.

'The stories of past courage... can offer hope, they can provide inspiration. But they cannot supply courage itself. For this each man must look into his own soul.' John F Kennedy

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Off Duty?

As a Police Officer (albeit part-time and voluntary) you carry a Warrant Card. This is not something that you take lightly; it is not something you carry around without a second thought to. It partly symbolises the oath you took when you first started out, you realise that this oath does not only apply when in Uniform and stands 24/7.

Getting involved when ‘Off Duty’ is a thing to be avoided, you have no back up, no Personal Protection Equipment and no handcuffs. In this day and age the majority of criminals won’t care that you are a Police Officer and they will do whatever they can to get away from you, so it is usually safe to try and avoid getting involved, all it takes is a single second to turn south.

A quote from one of your favourite films comes to mind:

‘He was a cop; he probably tried to do something.’ LA Confidential.

If ever you see something that does not warrant immediate intervention or where you feel your own safety could be compromised you call it in to the control room. Sweeping in and pulling out the ‘shield of steal’ is the last thing on your mind, it would be irrational and far from the best idea.

However, sometimes instinct can just take over, c’est la vie.