Thursday, August 31, 2006

Curiosity killed the cat, right?

Questions, you could have done without:

1. 'Can I see your Badge?'
2. 'I called the Police two weeks ago about my garden fence being hit by a football, why didn't you come down and take a look?'
3. 'Are you old enough to be a cop?'
4. 'Shouldn't you be at school?'
5. 'Shouldn't you be out catching real criminals?'
6. 'Can I borrow your hat?'
7. 'Can you show me your handcuffs?'
8. 'If I swear will you arrest me?'
9. 'Does your Stick light up, and make noises?'

Every single one of the above questions has been asked of you while you were on duty, it's hard to believe, but it's true.

In an ideal world, your answers would be:

1. 'No you can't, but you can get one for yourself from Wilko's.'
2. 'Was your garden fence broken? No, alright. Don't waste my time. I'm not a gardener, and I'm not wearing a red apron with 'B & Q' stamped on it!'
3. 'No I'm not old enough to be a cop; I almost slipped under the radar. I'm really twelve years old and they only let me in so they could say they are diverse when it comes to age.'
4. 'Yes I should be at school, but they have let me out on day release to earn some money.' Or 'Shouldn't you be in an old people's home?'
5. 'Yes, but you are being an idiot, therefore stopping me from doing that.'
6. 'Only if I can borrow your bra.'
7. 'Yes, if you show me your thong.'
8. 'I'll arrest you if you talk again, so shut up and go away.'
9. 'Make noises? No. But it lights up, especially when I put a glow in the dark condom over it.'

If only you lived in an ideal world, people would be able to leave their own homes without being fearful for their safety, men who hurt women would be strung up by their balls and Cheryl Tweedy would be your wife.

As Shakespeare once wrote:

"To sleep, perchance to dream-ay, there's the rub."


At 4:27 PM, Blogger DogsBody said...

My skipper told me how a traffic officer he knows dealt with the "Why aren't you out catching rapists and murderers" question:

Motorist: "Why are you picking on us innocient motorists and not out catching murderers and rapists?"

Traffic officer radios up control: "Control, can you tell me if we've got any murders or rapes on the list or reports of any murderers or rapists being at large?"

Control: "Err, Negative, no murders or rapes"

Traffic officer: "Thank you control..."

Classic - just wish i'd been there to see the look on the guys face!

At 3:54 PM, Blogger fjl said...

Tweedy is a spirited beauty but not completely up your lot's street though! x

At 4:58 PM, Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

haha brilliant dosbody! Might try that one day haha.
I usually give sarcastic replies if the situation warrants it

At 4:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are my kind of copper!

Sounds ace... Glad I found this... Question... You see Tweedy driving down the road, She is doing 34 in a 30... Do you stop her???

A lad on my shift did.... And got a great photo of them both on his phone.... Needless to say, she didn't get a ticket, but she got a firm warning and told to put her seat belt on..... !!! Guess why!!!

At 10:44 PM, Blogger ExtraSpecialCopper said...

anon - I wouldnt bother stopping anyone doing 34 in a 30 bit jobsworth imo (not being in a car with vascar etc etc)

Unless ofcourse, they were famous ;)


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