You've been cheated.

You wake up one afternoon and come to your senses. The bank you have been with for the past five years is a good bank, it's a well known bank, but their interest rates are to put it mildly, low. When your money is paid in it usually sits in that account and collects interest, to the tune of three pence, or less, it depends on whether or not the bank can do maths. You never took the time to manage your money and you never looked at different accounts, you just walked into a bank, opened an account and left it at that. What's the point in sitting in a stuffy office for an hour just to be told: 'Here's some leaflets, take your time and phone this 090 number.'

Recently you have been informed by a source that a certain bank has an account which you could open and have you student loan transferred into. It is a high interest account, tax free gross and the bank that offer this account are well known and reliable. Sounds to good to be true, right? So you decide, on this information that you will go into the bank and make some enquiries.

You walk through the town centre, admiring the beautiful female talent (or lack there of). What ever happened to inovation the creation of female orientated weather? There is no hope.

You speak to a member of staff and take a seat, getting bored very quickly your mind starts to wander. It wanders to the middle aged (about 40) woman, who, to put it midly is quite attractive, she's sitting in her chair at a computer and talking with someone. She deals with the customer and then sees her out. As she arises from her chair and walks away from you, you notice something. Her backside seems to have been sculptured by God himself, either that or you're seeing things and in a dream world. You would have gone and spoken to her, worked your charm and at least had a go at taking her on, if only you hadn't been called into the next office to do your banking business. You've been cheated, you are a victim of circumstance and you feel a little dissapointed.

You are given all the details and you open the account, lovely. You'll give it a try, all this managing money and banking online makes you a little skeptical, but new ways, new days, right?

As you exit the office the middle aged woman with the fantastic backside is stood across from you, she's talking to a man so you move on and walk out of the bank. You'll be back, ready for her, ready to charm her and take her into your arms......if only Judy Tsuke worked on every woman, your charm kit would consist of a CD and a bottle of wine, if only.