Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Broca Divide.......



Lee is a good Officer, he tutored you, and when you go out on duty (very rarely) you usually work alongside him. About an hour before one of these shifts was to end, as you sat in the passenger seat looking at him, he started to get a tad exasperated, 'Piece of shit car, why can't they give us the one's like the Met have? I was down in Leicester the other day, parked up in the yard, next to a great fucking machine, couldn't believe it.' As he persevered with the starter, it eventually cranked up, 'Finally, it's like trying to get a girl with massive tits into my bed at night, impossible. I read the log, this one looks like a good job, what was the address Joe?' You looked down at the print out sheet and read him the address.

After an interesting car drive, hearing all about how the job is quite 'crap' and as he so amusingly put it 'full of wankers with califlowers on their shoulders', you arrived outside Number 23. As you looked out the window at, what looked distinctly like a run down building that had just been attacked with a dustbin lorry, you felt quite bemused.

As both of you walked down the path to the door, the upstairs window opened and a young girl's head popped out (not literally), she soon withdrew and you heard her shouting down, 'Mam, copper's are ere, one's got a skinhead and the otha one looks like a baaaaaabbbbbbbyyyyy!!' With that comment ringing in your ears, you took point and banged loudly on the front door. What emerged, was not a pretty sight, actually to be quite frank, it was a disgusting sight. A middle aged, fat woman, with 'I'm a bitch, sue me.' written on her pink t-shirt.

'Ya don't need to bang so loud, I was on the lav.' At this point you turned and looked at Lee, who you could tell was quite enjoying the entire debacle, you asked the 'Bitch' if you could come in to take details regarding the incident, she replied quite honestly, 'Yeh you can like, but i've got to go and pick up me son soon, so I ain't got much time.' As you entered the house, looking up at the newly painted walls, you couldn't resist, 'Nice place you've got here, I like what you've done with the walls, very diverse.' Two minutes later you felt like you were on an episode of Jeremy Kyle, hearing all about how a young gentleman with a very perculiar name, 'Gimmo', who she had known for years and slepped with on numerous occasions, had put a fence post through her window and then passed out on the front lawn from 'alcohol poisoning.'

All in all, you and Lee ended up spending more than thirty minutes sat on a brown sette, listening to an account of events in between shouts to the girl upstairs, 'Turn that fucking music down, now!' Eventually Lee took charge and reminded her about her son, to which she made a false sign of concern and showed you the door. As you followed Lee down the path back to the car, he muttered under his breath to you, 'That t-shirt she was wearing was the only thing that told the truth in that house.' You made a grunting noise and concured.

The next A4 sheet of paper on the clip board told Lee where to drive to next, 'This one looks like it's gonna be a quicky, in and out, shit job.' You could smell his optimism, and you responded with agreement. Deep down you had the same thoughts, the amount of times you go to houses and come out thinking that it really was a waste of time, out numbers the 'worth whiles' at least ten to one.

Lee is a very animated guy, as you made your way to the address he informed you with more pearls of wisdom on how the job is 'crap' and full of 'bureacrats who screw cops out of expenses and over time'. You responded with the usual noises, about how you 'understand' and how you won't ever become a 'full time officer', without a serious change in circumstance. Suddenly he slammed on the brakes, 'Fuck, we've missed it, it was back down there.' Seconds later, the car arrived at the address, you felt like you were still one hundred yards down the road, but by the by, it was a lovely house.

This time as you both walked down the long path, past several nice cars, you were greated with a lovely smell, birds singing, and as you pointed out to Lee, there were some seriously amazing flowers growing in the garden. You had a feeling that this wasn't going to be what you thought, and low and behold, it wasn't. You knocked on the door gently and it was opened by a middle aged woman with what clearly was a tear stained face, with mascara running down her cheeks. Between cries she explained, 'I'm ever so sorry for calling you out Officers, but i've just got back from Devon and i've found this.' She showed you the ransacked rooms, draws upturned on beds and continued to cry through her account.

After Lee had done his job, and you had assisted best you could, you both made your way to the door. Lee went through and started to walk down the path, but the woman grabbed hold of your fleece, 'You look far too young to be dealing with me crying away, i'm sure there are people who really need your attention, i'm sorry for making such a fuss about it.' You didn't really know what to say, you'd never had someone you know to be a real 'victim' say this to you. You didn't know if Lee would go back the next day, you would be sat in a Lecture, but what you did know, was that you would most likely never see this woman again, ever, so you made sure that what you said was the right thing, you remember it word for word, you'll never forget it, 'Don't say that, you really don't have to apologise, it isn't your fault, it isn't.'

Then she did something that you didn't expect, that you had no idea how to respond to, she gave you a hug. Afterwards, you followed Lee down the path and got in the car, after the door was shut there was complete silence, all the way back to the police station nothing was said, no banter, no complaints, no wise cracks. As Lee went off to do paperwork, you completed your note book, you was about to go Off Duty when he tapped you on the shoulder, and in his native accent asked, 'You did good today kid, you alright?' You walked towards the door, and turned back just as you opened it, 'Sound as a pound my friend, see you on Thursday.'

'You think you know who you are? You have no idea.'

Officer Ryan, Crash.

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